This really happened one morning. Anthony was leaving for work, and I always open the door for him (since his hands are full of bike) and one morning a huge spider had made a giant web over our door! I screamed and slammed the door shut. It was early and I hadn’t had my coffee and I just couldn’t deal with it.

But, Anthony had to leave for work, and he is terrified of spiders, so it was up to me. I am not normally scared of them, but like I said: early, no coffee. I basically move like a zombie in the mornings and have very poor motor skills. Also my eyes don’t stay open. And this sucker was HUGE. It was going to be a challenge.

I couldn’t just grab him by the web and move him, since it wasn’t a string of web, it was a full feckin’ web over our door. I tried to vacuum him. He CRAWLED BACK OUT of the hose. I think I screamed some more and probably our neighbors thought I was being murdered.

Meanwhile, Anthony was hiding.

I finally sucked Mr. Spider into the vacuum where he crawled around for a long time. I could have let him go… No, not really. I was too scared. He was HUGE. I thought for a minute we’d been transported to Australia (and yes, that’s a legspan of 10-12 inches, this guy was maybe 2.5 inches and traumatizing enough). But no, it was just attack of the giant spider. After vacuuming the whole house Mr. Spider didn’t walk around anymore inside the vacuum and I felt like I might survive the rest of the day.

Thank god it wasn’t a silverfish/centipede.